hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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