How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he puts the penis in happiness.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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