It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
