you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
