He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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