I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize