Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
