Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I still have a little drunk in my system
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
