Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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