a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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