Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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