Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
