So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Two words: nipple clamps
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