apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
