Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize