Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize