did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Moan for me like Helen Keller
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
