the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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