Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
