I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
PANTIES FOUND
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