I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
