How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
