Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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