You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
smell my finger.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
