i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
