Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize