I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
