Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize