I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize