If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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