So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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