Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
