david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
