Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Where is the hickey?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize