There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
