I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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