You just made me feel so damn special
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
