omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
