my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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