Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
