woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
