So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
