So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
