i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
