My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
