Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
