I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
