Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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