At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
