Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
