How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize
