Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
