Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
