remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
