Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
