i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
