I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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