his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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