So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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