im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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