tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
