just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
