So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
