Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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