Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
