The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
