I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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